A Porch of My Own

A Porch of My Own

Thursday, November 3, 2016

The Business of Living

I don't cover my refrigerator with photos, notes, reminders, etc. The clutter on the fridge drives me crazy. Rickie was surprised one day when I put some Ikea magnetic spice containers on the side because he knows how I am. In a tiny cabin I figured I could live with that space saving decision.

Since Rick died I have added two things to the front of the fridge. One is a post-it note where I wrote a Craig Johnson, author of the Longmire series, quote - "Stay calm, have courage, and wait for signs". I put that there the day after Rickie died and have used it as my guiding light these two years.

Another is a photo of Elizabeth Taylor that I got off someone's post on Facebook. It has a quote of hers that I have found guidance and strength in also.

"You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot in front of the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That's how I've done it. There's no other way."

After a false start, well, several false starts to be honest, I've begun the process of selling the ranch. It's not easy and I'm under no illusion that it will be easy. None of us that love this place are going to get out of here without a lot of tears shed and hearts broken. But our hearts were already broken and the ranch, though we still love it, has lost its heart with Rickie gone. I can no longer live with the daily reminder of how it's changed. 

I've done everything Rickie and I wanted to do to finish making this place the way we wanted it. I've done for him what he didn't have the opportunity to do. I've had his back, as he always had mine.

And now it needs some life, some laughter, some hunters, some gardeners, some people to walk the woods and sit by the fire and look at the stars, some activity and joy that I can't give it. It needs another Rick and Sue with the same dream we had. 

A lot of these things I still do. But they have to be shared to bring joy on a continued basis. For two years I've done them alone and at first it was a comfort. Now it's a reminder of my loss and loneliness.

So. It's time to get up, to force myself to put one foot in front of the other. To fight, to curse.

And to go about the business of living.

Here's the link to the ranch listing in case any of you are interested or know anyone who might be. The realtor took some drone photos of the place and some great interior photos also. They really show off the place.

Rockin' RS Listing

For myself, I've modified my search for a new place and changed the hunt from Durango to Pagosa Springs. I couldn't find anything in Durango that made me happy that I could afford. I'll keep y'all posted on my new adventure and as always, thank you for following the blog.