A Porch of My Own

A Porch of My Own

Thursday, December 31, 2015

The Addition - Almost A Wrap!

I had a personal goal of finishing my part of the addition by the time one year with Rick gone rolled around, and to finish the whole project by the end of the year. I can't explain why I set these goals. I just somehow felt driven to meet them. To show him I finished one of the dreams we had together; that I took what we learned and carried on, doing by myself what we didn't get to do together.

But weeks spent waiting on supplies to come in and waiting on contractors to come out added more time than I anticipated. So I've had to be content with being close.
I've finished everything inside that I was doing except for some door work. Insulation, walls, ceilings, floors, trim, and painting. The tile man came out week before last and did the bathtub/shower surround. Now I'm just waiting on the plumber to come set the fixtures in the bathroom and hook the drain line up to the septic tank. The holidays have made these two weeks wasted for my project.

The ceiling fan I bought worked one day and quit working. A call to the company yielded me the advice to take it back to the store. I couldn't find another fan like I wanted at the big stores so I had to order one from a small lighting store in Kerrville. I like the first fan better but was leery of just replacing it with another. So I'm waiting on the electrician to come back and take the first one down and install the new one. Luckily it's not summer so I'm ok without the fan!
I got my Ikea closet and was able to put that up by myself. I bought some deer antler knobs on eBay to "ranchify" it a bit! I love them and the closet. It's the same width as the one we have in the original cabin room, just not as tall. I went with a white one. I like the peaceful feeling of the white walls and wanted to keep that.
I also bought a white bookcase from Ikea and got that up. I left the back off so my tongue and groove wood would show through. This replaced a little bookcase we had by the fireplace. I use it for our reference books - birds, wildflowers, gardening, etc - and some pricey history books and some photos. A few years ago we started gathering photos of Rick with each of the grandkids. We didn't have a lot of room for photos in the little cabin but I wanted some of family and this was the theme we decided on. I'm so glad we did.
I only got one 36" wide bookcase because I'm going to use the other space for the sliding barn door to the bathroom. I've ordered my hardware and I'll get to work on the door next week. I have enough tongue and groove left to build one. I think I'll stain it dark for some contrast.

I had room for a little table and chairs in the corner of the bedroom. I'll use it for writing, reading, puzzles, and sitting and staring out the front window!
I got some shelves up in the laundry area and my new washer and dryer delivered. I've been without a working washer for a couple of months now. I didn't have enough amps to add an additional 220 plug so the electrician moved the one I had. This left the stackable unit in the cabin nonfunctional. The new appliances were delivered a few weeks ago but the drain line isn't hooked up to the septic yet. I am so anxious to get the plumbing finished.
Outside I have most of the corrugated metal skirting up. I left some on the back open waiting on the plumbers in case they need to get in there. I repaired a bit of masonry to square up a couple of holes I had knocked out and to close in some narrow spaces by the front and back decks. I had a skunk hanging around right outside the bedroom window. I was worried he might get cozy under the addition so I put some mothballs under there. Which I immediately regretted. They made the house smell. I think I prefer the shrunk smell to the mothballs. It'll eventually go away and hopefully it has kept him out of there. I haven't seen him or the holes he's been digging in about a week. So he's either moved on or he's gone to sleep up under the room.
When you build in the country near only a small town, you have to be able to do some things yourself. There is a real problem getting contractors to come out. There's not a long list of ones to call if the first one is too busy. The small town attitude that makes living in one enjoyable plays against you when you are trying to finish a project. The promise to come by on a Monday turns into a week from Thursday, with no call to let you know. Other than the framers, who did show up when promised and finished in a week, I've only had to use a plumber, electrical/AC contractor, and a tile installer. In a pinch I could have probably done the tile but not the plumbing and electrical.

So I wait. The fellas have all treated me kindly, almost as if I was their mom or grandmother, and gone above and beyond in doing the job. But it is a small town and if a relative or big rancher they've know all their lives calls, or someone has an emergency problem, my little project gets pushed back. But I'm hoping to get it wrapped up soon! I'll make calls next week after the holidays. Wish me luck!



Friday, December 4, 2015

A Year Later

"Sarah and I are on the road today, each carrying material components of the man we love, leaving behind in Houston only those family and friends he treasured. Thank you to everyone who helped us and supported us and sent your love while we were here; it carries us home. ❤️"

This was my Facebook post a year ago. Sarah and I had gone to clear out the apartment. We had another couple of months on the lease but I felt an urgency to gather up Rickie's things and bring them home. A need to circle my arms around everything that was left of him and keep it close.

It's heartbreaking to walk into a place that someone left expecting to return. It wasn't the big things so much; the empty leather chair or the bed he neatly made before he left, a habit he acquired over the years from me. He used to laugh at all my pillows and throws on the bed but he'd long ago gotten used to them and where they went.

It was the grocery list he'd started with just a few items on it, two envelopes labeled for the last months' rent before he retired, a scrap of paper with the name of a song he heard and liked called Always Remember Me.

Family and friends came over, bringing supper for Sarah and I, and comfort by their presence. Sometimes grief is best handled alone but sometimes the face of a loved one is the only thing keeping you going. They instinctively toss out the tiniest of lifelines and you hang on. A hug, a kindness, even a laugh at a memory. They knew when to come and they knew when to leave.

Sarah and I gave away most everything in the apartment, some things to loved ones and a pickup load to the donation center. The things we couldn't part with filled a pickup truck for each of us.

We made arrangements for a final cleaning, locked the door, and left the town I called home for most of my life.

When you lose your longtime partner, the one that understood you the best, the one that you shared the little things and the big things in life with, you don't know how you will go on. But you just get through each moment, each day, each week. And then you realize it's been a year. Family and friends fill that time and you have moments of joy with them. But no one ever fills that space left by your partner.

You talk to them still, sometimes in your head and sometimes out loud. Because they are the only one that knew you, really knew you, as you knew them. You've shared most of your life with them, the memories and the good and bad times you went through. That space they occupied will be forever empty.

You don't try to fill it. You just try to live with it.