A Porch of My Own

A Porch of My Own

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

The Shaving Kit

All the years I have known Rickie he has always kept a shaving kit stocked with everything you would find in your home bathroom. He had to go on trips for work occasionally, and family visits, and of course, hunting trips. He never wanted to pack the things he would need each time and forget something, so he just kept it up to date. Shaving stuff, Advil, shampoo, toothbrush, the usual stuff everyone needs.

Years ago, he would always try the latest men's high priced fragrance, often ones the kids and I got him for Christmas. But 10 or 15 years ago he gave up on those and stuck with Aqua Velva Ice Blue. Cheap and available at the grocery store. When he was here at the ranch he never shaved unless we were going to a friends' house for dinner or maybe to the Odeon Theater in Mason to hear Jimmie Dale Gilmore or Ruthie Foster sing. He always said when he retired he was going to grow a beard and a ponytail. A little bit redneck, a little bit hippie, the yin and yang of him.

He bought a new shaving kit a while back, camo patterned. I keep in in the closet. It has his hairbrush with the gray strands of his hair in it. The whole thing smells of Aqua Velva. Sometimes I open it and get a whiff of his fragrance; the only physical manifestation of him I have left. It makes me feel like I've been kicked in the stomach and I can't breathe. But still I do it anyway, seized, as Seth Walker says, by exquisite hurt. 

And I wonder will all the rest of my days be like this, moments of happiness but always offset by these moments of intense pain. Will that be the yin and yang of me.

It's been almost four months and I've not made it through a day without tears yet, but maybe that's not a long time in dealing with loss. Rickie had this song on his iPod and played it for me a while back; said it was a good song.  




7 comments:

  1. BLESS YOU as you go through the normal pangs of grief, your in my prayers.

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  2. Yes, bless you. I tear up every time I read your posts. They are so touching and honest. My heart breaks for you as you live through this time in your life.

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  3. Virtual hugs sent your way. Things do get easier with time. The pain and the loss is still there but it isn't as raw. For now, this is what you need to do and it's normal.

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  4. JB, Judith, and Wendy,
    Thank y'all so much for your kind words and thoughts. It helps me to write about what I'm going through and I appreciate your support as I try to continue on and find a way to deal with the grief.

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  5. Been following you for a while, Sue and wanted to thank you for the raw honesty and beauty in your posts. I share them with my Mom sometimes - we just lost my Dad in September 2013 and the journeys you are both on are similar. It helps her...and I hope that knowing this, helps you some too.

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    1. Thank you, Kessa, and I'm so sorry about your Dad. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts. It does help keep me going to know that others have faced this same thing and that they carry on. That's all we can do, with support from our families and friends and with the memories we carry.

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    2. Thank you, Kessa, and I'm so sorry about your Dad. I will keep you and your mom in my thoughts. It does help keep me going to know that others have faced this same thing and that they carry on. That's all we can do, with support from our families and friends and with the memories we carry.

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