A Porch of My Own

A Porch of My Own

Monday, May 11, 2020

39 Years Ago




39 years ago today I broke a promise I had made to myself to never, ever, if I lived to be 100, to ever get married again. If I’m truthful, I was somewhat uneasy in my mind when I did that. Rickie and I hadn’t known each other long. I had gotten married the first time when I was 17 and I’d been a single mom almost 2 years. I wasn’t very trustful of getting married again. The choice was to stay with the known life as it was or to take a risk for an unknown life. But something told me in my heart this was a chance at happiness and it might never come again. Those chances come and go to us fleetingly and sometimes we have to make life changing decisions in an instant. As Guy Clark says, “life is just a leap of faith, so spread your arms and hold your breath, and always trust your cape.” 

And so I did and I’m thankful for that every day. I wish we’d had more time. I wish we’d been able to have some retirement years together. I wish a lot of things. But I never have to wish I’d made a different decision 39 years ago. 

Rickie touched the lives of all of us who knew and loved him. And he changed us in ways we don’t even realize sometimes because those changes have become such a natural part of us. He gave us courage. He showed us there’s always an option, there’s always another plan. Reach for what you want and if it doesn’t work out, try something else. Don’t settle just because it’s safe. Don’t beat yourself up when you fail. Shed some tears, then pick yourself up and move on. 

He taught us to notice the little things along the way. The tiny flowers and the tiny moments. That nature heals. To always have a garden even if it’s just some planters on the patio. To kill your own snakes, both literally and figuratively. To notice the sunsets. To treasure the changing seasons and see the beauty of each. That it’s often the changing that is the most important. 

That we don’t need a big house to be happy and that that should never be the goal of life. To seek out a place that gives you peace and try to find a way to be in that place. To work hard. That a job well done is the best reward. To take pride in keeping your place neat and tidy.

To forgive hurts even when people don’t say they’re sorry. That people can seek redemption and find it. That we did the best we knew how in the past and as Maya Angelou said, when you know better, do better. Don’t beat yourself up where you failed, but try to do better in the future. That we are the sum total of our lives, and if we judge to judge on that. Especially when judging ourselves. 

To just stop and look around you. That sitting on the porch watching the birds is a fine way to pass an afternoon. To help others if you can. To be thankful for what you have. 

And even with his death he reminded us once more to treasure each day. To treasure each other. We never know when we’ll run out of time. 

And, in true Rickie fashion, the best advice in life I can give you is to live it.