The Birthday Gift

Today is my birthday, the last year I’ll be sixty-something. Twenty-nine years ago when I turned forty, Rickie told me never to be upset about getting older. He said think of all the people we love who never got to be your age.

I never forgot that and think about these loved ones every year when I add one more to my count. My baby brother who never saw 4 days, my sister who never saw 38, my brother who never saw 68. A brother-in-law who never saw 58 and one who never saw 43. A cousin who never saw 22, another cousin’s daughter who never saw 6, one more cousin whose daughter never saw 23. My son-in-law’s mother who never saw 58. A cousin’s husband who never saw 60. The babies, some my grandchildren, in our family that almost made it, but didn’t survive the last few weeks of their journey to the world.

Rickie who never saw 62.

And a slew of friends over the years, especially these last years, who never made it to my age. So it seems petty and ungrateful to complain about having a birthday.

After Rickie died, I sometimes didn’t much care if I lived or died, as I think all of us who lose someone we love sometimes think in our low times. I wasn’t suicidal, I just didn’t care much one way or the other. But I always came back to Rickie’s statement. That to get another year is not something we are all given. We can’t squander them.

My attitude toward birthdays also comes from my Dad. He was always excited when his birthday rolled around, even in his later years when his health was declining. When he turned 79, the last year he had as it turned out, he called the Houston library to ask them how many people lived to be 79. They researched and got back to him. (Thank you, librarians, for being awesome!) I don’t remember the number but he was one of a small group and he was bursting to tell us all when we came by.

I’ve tried to make the most of these last 4 years I’ve had without Rickie. I think I’ve done a pretty good job of making them count, both for me personally and for my loved ones. And I’ll try to make the most of this next one. It’s a gift we don’t all receive. As Gandalf says, we all have some part yet to play, and I’ll try to play my small part with a grateful heart. For those who didn’t make it.


From Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien -

“Frodo: 'It's a pity Bilbo didn't kill Gollum when he had the chance.'
Gandalf: 'Pity? It's a pity that stayed Bilbo's hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. Even the very wise cannot see all ends. My heart tells me that Gollum has some part to play in it, for good or evil, before this is over. The pity of Bilbo may rule the fate of many.' Frodo: 'I wish the Ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.'
Gandalf: 'So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, Frodo, besides that of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring, in which case you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.”